Scrolling On The Toilet?

On the Toilet_.jpg

You too?

Yeah, that’s usually where I do my first bit of Facebook and Instagram dooty...

And where I read my first few emails of the day…

And that’s the thing about marketing these days…

There’s no need to be so stuffy and proper anymore.

Why not deal in reality?

So, as you’re taking your morning pee… I mean let’s face it, everyone does, right?… why not take a second and realize that you’re just like everyone in your audience?

Some people’s email copy is so stilted with self-importance and pomp, all they get from me is a DUMP in the trash!

They’re so worried about speaking to their customers “incorrectly” that everything comes out as old-fashioned, boring and super long-winded.

e.g. “One finds oneself not wholly in accord with Dr. Shart’s view of the current state of affairs.”

e.g. “We see in Mr. Skidmark’s proclivity for flatulent soundscapes offensive in the extreme.”

Good heavens… who in their right mind wants to read that?!?!

Not me… and obviously not these people's email lists.

And here’s a little tip… if you’re gonna use an old tired cliche in your writing… please, oh please make it new and interesting. 

Otherwise, all your emails start taking on an existence where “the hole is stinkier than the sum of its farts.”

So as you say goodbye to your morning bio-waste, wipe away your useless formal emails and let them fester in the bog with the rest of the muck.

And if you need a little help flushing away your old bad habits… give me a shout. 

I can help freshen up your emails like a spray or potent PooPourri.

Buzz me at

I hope everything comes out ok!